The New Chemo

It’s been a while since I gave you an update. I’m afraid the news isn’t as good as I hoped. My CA125 test took a 13 point jump which pretty much means the chemo combination is not doing it’s work. So on Friday they are starting me on another, Doxil. This one is every 28 days instead of every 21.

However, before I get it, I have to have a Muga scan, which makes certain all is right with my heart, as this drug could cause problems.

Those of you with heart problems will know all about this, but for those who don’t, here’s what happens during a Muga scan: They inserted an IV line and withdrew some blood. I waited for 20 minutes while they took my blood and mixed it with a radioactive isotope ( sodium pertechnetate Tc 99m for those who care) and then reinjected it.

Took me to one of those rooms containing something similar to the PET or MRI machines, attached 4 electrodes to my chest and, after I told him my left arm can’t stay over my head, put the same elastic thing they used before to keep my arms next to my body. ( My left shoulder was injured years ago and movement in certain directions.....i.e. over my head ....is impossible) The scan took about 15 minutes or so. Then he moved the machine so it was over left side and told me I had to lift my arms over my head for another 15 minutes. My left shoulder was in excruciating pain for the entire thing, shaking even. Told him I don’t know how they got any decent pictures when I was shaking so hard, but he said it was OK. They removed the IV and that was it.

Thursday afternoon I got a call and all is well with my heart because we are to start Doxil tomorrow.

1st day:

Once again Jeni, the chemo nurse, started with Zofron for nausea, then Benadryl, then the Doxil, which is bright red. (She warned me my urine might be red.) It only took 2 1/2 hours. For the first time the Benadryl made me sleepy. I actually fell asleep for half hour or so. (On the other hand, I had two very early mornings in a row AND a lot of stress.) I took an hour nap this afternoon. Unusual. Also, a few light hot flashes, that's all. Then I was hit with an allergy attack, a pretty bad one. I found some old sinus nightime, took them when I went to bed and when I woke up I was fine.

2nd day:
Felt pretty good, took a walk, did errands (with mask on), went to the grocery store with Tracy as son David is coming for dinner. The day and evening went well, felt fine.

3rd day:
Started out well, we're considering a beach day. The next three days are usually the worst, but so far, so good. Tracy said she heard the nurse say this drug kills everything. I must have been asleep as I didn't hear that.

Will report again after the the next chemo.

Last Chemo

Well, the 6 chemo series is over. So the PET scan is next. In the event you don't know anything about it, here's the description of what happened to me.

PET stands for positron emission tomography.
No exercise for 24 hours in advance, only heavy protein meat and a veg after 3 PM. Hydrate in the morning, no food.
After going through all the insurance rigmarole, a young woman took me too a small room with a barco lounger. She pricked my finger to test blood sugar, then asked me questions about why I was there. She then explained what would happen. She found a vein and injected me with a radiotracer. Exactly: F18 (that is radiation level) Fludeoxyglycose or FDG.
She then left me in the room (turned off lights) for 1 hour. No reading, no moving, no phone. This radioactive dye detects activity inside the body at cellular level. Appearance of organs and tissue, and how they are functioning.
After an hour, she took me to loo, told me to remove bra if it had wire, but all other clothes left on.
The machine looks like an MRI, but is only used for this. Because of my bad shoulder, I knew I couldn’t lie there without moving for 30 minuteswith my arms over my head, so she had an elastic band and she strapped my arms to my sides. It was comfortable.
The machine takes you out and in for the next 30 minutes. From eyes down, but I doubt the legs, didn’t look.
When I left, all she said was “I hope I don’t see you again”.

My appointment with the gyn/oncologist was yesterday. Unfortunately, the scan found three tiny little things that were partially calcified, but still were bad. that plus the fact that my CA 125 blood marker did not get below 40. It needs to be in the mid 30's. And so, in two weeks, I have to start a series of 3 chemos, same stuff as last time, Taxol and Carboplatin. I'm not happy about this, but the doctor seems to think these last three will take care of things and he will then put me on a pill for maintanence.

I won't write another of these updates unless something unusual happens, or at the end of the chemo when I assume there will be another PET scan.
Not a happy girl right now, but reconsiled.

Fifth Chemo

This post will be longer and more informational than usual. I’ll get graphic in places, so bear with me. Everyone is different, but it may help someone.

BTW: my internist appt. went well. Re the eye problem I’ve been having and discussed previously here: he wants to hold off on an MRI of my head until chemo is over, as that may be causing it. The chemo nurse disagreed. I’ll talk to Tracy and son David later tonight and make a decision. The chemo nurse had never seen anyone with the same problem. 🤔

                                                                Jeni, the chemo nurse

I had  chemo #5 last Tuesday. It takes 5 1/2 hours. They use the port I had implanted in the upper right hand side, just inches above my breast with an incision in the neck. (A port is a small medical appliance that is installed beneath the skin. A catheter connects the port to a vein. You can feel it beneath your skin... shaped like a small triangle.)

I take 3 steroids with dinner the night before and 3 again with breakfast. Then 1 for the next three days morning and night. (Doctors have found that the treatment is more successful when steroids are given along with chemotherapy drugs.)

I also take 1 Emend just before chemo and the next two days with breakfast. Please see another post where I discuss this hideously expensive drug. But it works.

Here’s a list of what’s in the 5 bags given during my chemotherapy session via the port.

1. Zofran and decadron (Both help with nausea, but remembered ber I also take Emend)
2. Famotidine (lowers stomach acid)
3. Benedryl  (which is supposed to put you sleep, but doesn’t work for me)
4. Taxol (a cancer medication that interferes with the growth and spread of cancer cells) Its the one that makes your hair fall out. Not all of mine is gone, but most of it. No eye lashes, but still have eyebrows.
5. Carboplatin (Used for advanced ovarian cancer. I am stage 3c. It is used with other chemotherapy ...in this case, Taxol, as a first line treatment. Carboplatin is the one that makes everything you eat taste like metal. Fortunately, so far, this has not happened.)

Before you leave, the nurse puts a neulasta “machine” on my arm. 

In about 10 minutes, you feel a little electrical shock. Weird. Photo here. You wear it for 27 hours...a little green light flashes (which I spent 15 minutes looking for in the middle of the night, until I realized it was me! Duhhhhh.) it flashes after about 24 or so hours and the green light stops. But they want you to leave it on the full time. 

This Drug Is Used For:

• This medicine is used to stimulate the growth of "healthy" white blood cells in the bone marrow, once chemotherapy is given.  White blood cells help the body to fight infection. This is not a chemotherapy drug. 
• This medication is usually given at least 24 hours after chemotherapy. Really important. It is often given by injection, but these little machines are nifty. No showers for two days until this is off and port healed. (which is bandaged) 

Day 1. Chemo day. Feel fine, super energetic. Making dinner even. ( you cannot eat out for 10 days and you must wear a mask in public places for that long too.) No nausea, hungry all the time. Did I ever mention that chemo increases your metabolism? In my case, this is a plus. A good day, if you don’t mind sitting for 6 hours and peeing constantly. You must drink copious amounts of water all through chemo and I really press it down the first 10-12 days (more than the 8 bottles they recommend) and then after 10 days, less, but still the required 8 bottles a day. Have I mentioned I hate water? My preference is iced tea, which I sneak in twice a day. Does not count as water though. ☹️ You spend all your time in the loo. I wear a smallish pad all day and a bigger one at night. You really want to flush that bad stuff out. I used 4 pads just during chemo. I also, at Tracy’s suggestion, bought some of those “pee pads” the hospital uses. We got them at a pet store, believe it or not. But the main problem is not the bed, but the minute I get up, I am flooded. So I also cover the carpet with towels. I know, gross. Haven’t had an accident yet, but might as well CYA. Literally. ☺️

The rules: No sugar, no soy products, no salads, no rare meat or fish. We wash all veggies and fruit at home with a mixture of white vinegar and water, then rinse.

Day 2. Pretty good day. Feel well, took walk, made dinner. Started to feel tired after dinner. Had one super bad hot flash (pillow and sheets get wet.) during the night, but expect to have many more. 

Day 3. This is supposed to be worst day, but I’m not feeling too bad. A little weak, but took a walk, did laundry, dishes etc. But by the end of the day the night sweats began again and lasted two days. 

Day 4. Still a little weak, still heavy sweats.

Day 5. Sweats gone. Today starts two days of a lot of bathroom trips with a little cramping. Not diarrhea, but just two days and nights  of trips to the bathroom. Sometimes I take Imodium, but try not to as I think my body is getting rid of bad stuff. 

And don’t forget all the water you must drink. Constantly

We actually went to the beach today! Probably not a good idea, but makes you feel better mentally.

Day 6. Tracy had to leave as she’s moving, but I managed the airport drive. It exhausted me.

Day 7. At this point, recovery usually starts, but I’m finding almost any exertion is tiring me. It’s taking longer this time, which I was warned it would. I can usually get to the gym (treadmill and bike) by day 8 or 9. And take classes again by day 10. Doubt I can stay on that schedule this time. Some housework and grocery store are going to be it today.
Two additions: today, for the first time, I had a back ache. In the middle of my back, as though it was tired. I took Advil, it went away. The second, neuropathy. (We were told about this one in advance, but never had a problem with it until now: a couple days ago, I noticed that my feet and part of my lower legs were a little numb. That has remained, but doesn't bother me much.

Day 8: Yes, I did go to the gym. Did  1 3/4 miles on the bike and 1 mile on the treadmill. At the end, my lower back ached and so did both my hips. (I had a hip replacement many years ago) These things are both new and both only lasted until I took Advil.
Tomorrow I will try a class.

I probably won’t post again until after the 6th chemo is over and we find out what was accomplished.

Thanks for hanging in there with me!

Fourth Chemo

Blood work Monday. I don’t mind it, but it’s always a reminder chemo is coming in a week. Anyway, white blood cell count good, all results good. I asked if I was getting a lower dosage than others and was told 10% less because of my age. I said everyone else I know going through this are having way more trouble than I am. She said it was 1. They weren’t drinking enough water 2. They weren’t exercising (that’s a biggie)  3. It’s a mindset and mine is good. It appears the 10% less is relative. I sure hope that’s right. 

Big eye test last Monday. Result? Eyes are fine, but he wanted me to see a neuro guy in his office. Decided to talk to internist first. Not sure I want to open that can of worms. Internist appointment is next week, day before fifth chemo.

Fourth chemo went well and no, this is not following the exact pattern as the first three, but close. Think I was a day or so longer getting my feet under me. Fifth chemo is next Tuesday....only one more to go after that. 

My son and DIL came for a weekend, as you can see from the photos on Instagram. Of course, it rained the entire time. We shopped around, but I got so wet, in and out of air conditioning, I was worried about catching a cold, which is a major no-no and they wouldn’t do the chemo. I had them drop me off. But I’m fine, took a lot of vitamin C. 

Unfortunately for them (and a bad omen for the rest of the summer) the seaweed problem is back and the word is....it’ll be worse this year.

Third Chemo

Third Chemo

Had a minor problem with the carboplatin. There was a flushed heat in my lower body, but it only lasted a couple minutes. I honestly didn’t think much about it but the chemo nurse overheard me telling Tracy and came in to warn me to call her if it happened again or lasted longer. I know some people cannot tolerate that drug so asked her what to watch for. But no problems again. 

Today’s pics are of daughter Tracy, ready for the arctic temps in the chemo room. I’m again in mother’s Afghan, with less hair. 

When we got home I was hyper...made half the dinner! I’m going to do laundry and pay bills because I know this won’t last. We’re having Smitten Kitchen’ s cauliflower rice dish. I’ve posted it before, so you can go back in my Instagram history and retrieve the recipe.

Third day arrives and while I am tired, not nearly as badly as I expected. And I can still taste! Please let that continue.

Last night Tracy made a bulgar salad (it’s already been posted a while back in my Instagram) and Alice Water’s chicken. 

Fifth day, feeling better, but still tired. I’m walking around the block now, today twice.

It seems to me the chemo problems follow a pattern as it has been similar all three times, with perhaps adding a day or so of fatigue. Here I am on the 11th day, feeling good, already went to gym once and the mall..with mask. Today I’m having the lighter wig shaped by my hairdresser and then we’re going out to dinner with son David, sans mask. On Saturday, another fun party at the beach club. 

Tracy leaves tomorrow with clients for Art Basel in Switzerland, then Venice for the 58th Biennale. She’ll be back in time for 4th chemo. 

I’ll be cat sitting. And healing.

Right Before Third Chemo

Well, I spoke a little too soon with my feeling good comment. This time, the exhaustion hit at the end of the second day. Lasted one more day and I think would have improved had it not been for three practically sleepless nights in a row. Or less sleep than I require. Two 4:30 AM wake ups, all unrelated to chemo and on the third, someone called on the landline around 1 AM (Wrong number) and I didn’t go back to sleep. Or at least not much. And then restless legs, (have you ever had that?) which I rarely have because I keep a bar of soap in my bed. Old wives tale that works, except that one night. Those three nights set me back...I didn’t do as much walking as I like. But the next night was sheer heaven. Didn’t wake up until 7:15.

There’s quite a bit more general information in this post than others. Someone told me to write down anything helpful.

We went to the new wig shop...she specializes in cancer patients. If you’re local, here is her card. Got a super light weight wig. For some odd reason, I still have some hair...enough to get away with a baseball cap at the market and gym. (However, I am losing my eyelashes! I can actually count them on one of my eyes. Eyebrows still there. How odd is that?) Anyhow, I would wear a wig for 

dinners.

The Medicare nurse had her last visit...they give you 60 days from original surgery. I don’t meet the criteria for an extension. You cannot do any abdominal exercises for 90 days after surgery. Have a month to go.

One more little thing: I inherited my mother’s skin....thin and when you brush up against anything, it leaves a little blood under the skin. Been going on with me for years. No, she didn’t take blood thinners, nor do I. The dr mentioned this would get worse with chemo..they’d appear for no reason. It has, its gotten pretty bad actually, but years ago I discovered something called Vitamin K cream. It only works if you rub it on practically the minute you do the damage. But I’ve been using it on my arms and think there’s an improvement. What looks worse than red blotches all over your arms in sleeveless summer things? I can put a little makeup on, which helps. I know....Vanity, thy name is woman.

Did I mention someone told me to take L-glutamine as it’s supposed to help with bone aches? Either it’s working, or I’m not going to have that problem (yet) as I have only had the bones in my feet ache once...a month ago. Also, I take 500 mg of L-Lysine, (plus chap stick or lipstick all the time) which helps with cold sores...something I tend to get.....someone told me when your immune system is compromised, you can have a problem with that. So far, not yet. 

I also want to mention one other little unpleasant thing that nobody ever talks about. On the 4-5th day after chemo, I get cramping and loose bowels. Not really diarrhea. And it’s the cramping that’s uncomfortable. Lasts a few days (I take small amounts of Imodium, which works, but am careful to only take half now and then as I don’t want to swing in the other direction) and then it’s over. Other people seem to be constipated during the entire thing. Weird. And it may change, who knows?

First day at gym today...with mask..which won’t come off until the weekend. 12 days with mask and no eating out, 10 days without mask and I can eat out, within my new food limits.  

I’ve been having this weird problem with my eyes, difficult to describe. Sort of like being in a tunnel, but you can see and hear everything. Decided to go to eye doctor. He said all was well, but considering what I’m going through, wants one  more test. Scheduled next month. I’m not thrilled, but glad he is following up. 

Last night we went out to dinner and I had my first wig night out  What do you think? 

We’re going to try to go to the beach this weekend...I’ll be covered up completely! And under umbrellas. It’s a rough surf down here, so doubt I’ll be in the water, but they said I could if I wanted to.

Third chemo the day after Memorial Day. 

Second Chemo

Well, I certainly enjoyed my last week of freedom! Out to dinner, Derby Day party, no masks, gym every day and I felt pretty good. One week before next chemo they do blood work...mine was fine, all at the high end.

Tracy arrived the day before and this time we went prepared for a really cold room. I took an Afghan my mother made (it’s not the prettiest one for sure, but it’s warm and a friend told me it would bring good luck.) and Tracy wore a sweater and another layer. 

All went well....we met another woman in there, who has so many more issues than I do, I was amazed at her upbeat attitude. She was chatty and had a nice lightweight wig on, so we found out about another wig store. Light weight will be great for Florida summers. My hair is thinning considerably. I’m still going out in public with it, but not for much longer.

Once home, I had one good day and most of the second. But towards evening, exhaustion set in. I feel pretty much the same way today, but I fully expected this on day 3 and 4. I have walked around the block each day, but am not ready for the gym yet.

Nausea is still not a problem and I am hungry, so have not lost taste yet. It’s lovely having someone cooking for me. Thank you, Tracy.

She’ll leave Monday, if all goes well, but will be back in another 2 weeks because I have two chemos this month. She got permission to bring the cat which is fine, because her cat sitter is sending such sad photos. 

He likes it here and as long as I wear gloves and a mask, I can deal with litter box. Tracy has to go to Europe on business for two weeks, so I’ll be the caretaker. 

I’m doing better than I expected, but must confess the amount of water they ask you to drink is amazing. Iced tea doesn’t count and those of you who know me, know that’s my choice of drink. But I’m getting the water down as it flushes out the bad stuff. 

All in all, I’m handling this well. Next update probably after third chemo.

Easter

I guess it’s time for another update. Tracy went home yesterday and will be back for second chemo the beginning of May. She has worked like a trooper, cooking, caring, listening to my complaints. I repeat..this is much harder on family than patient. I took her to the airport, so no problems driving. I’m not looking forward to next chemo because everyone says this is the one where you lose your hair and have a metallic taste in your mouth.

I’ve done pretty well, comparatively. No nausea. Eating. Tasting. Drinking water. All the tags placed over my staples have fallen off and some of the coating they seem to have put on the two port incisions is also peeling off. 

On day three and four I was tired, but not go to bed tired. I made one mistake: I went to the gym one day when I knew I was too tired to go. I did half the regular time on treadmill and recumbent bike, but then left. It left me weak and messed up the next day. I know better now, but even when I don’t feel up to the gym, I try to walk every day. Not fun wearing a mask at the gym, but I have to protect myself. I don’t wear one walking. And no going out to dinner. Boo hoo on that one! I REALLY miss that. 

I’d say there is steady improvement each day. A little backache one day, or feet ache one night, but Advil takes care of that. I think you slowly improve and when you’re finally feeling fairly normal, it’s time to get hit again.

Tomorrow I’ll try some ordinary things: car wash, grocery store and see how I do. Mask in grocery...much hand washing going on here. My life has changed drastically. Takes a while for it to sink in, but it finally has. I am grateful that I’ve taken this as well as I have, no depression, no tears, just acceptance. Pray that continues.

Am I boring you?

1 month

 The first chemo went well. No pain at all accessing the port. They did a blood test, then said all was well. They started with three drip bags via the port: medicine to coat the stomach, an antibiotic and some benadryl. Then they started with taxol, followed by carboplatinum. It all took about 5 1/2 hours. I feel great, but guess I will have a couple days (hopefully) that I will feel fine, then get hit with exhaustion and, hopefully, considering those expensive pills, nausea. About those pills:

They’re called Emend  and my drug program would not cover the cost. You need three for each chemo, they cost almost $700 for the three. You can reapply and apply to a program with Merck that will give them for free for a year. I was accepted. They were supposed to arrive by Saturday, but didn’t, so I had to find a drugstore that had it in stock and pay them $635! Fortunately, the pharmacist was on the ball, went to a website dedicated to finding coupons for drugs your company turned down. He found me a $410 coupon, so didn’t have to pay the full shot. We should receive the pills from Merck this week.

I was given steroids to take orally the night before, in the morning, and twice a day for next three days. She also stuck a neulasta patch (well, not a patch, more like a small machine that flashes a green light) on my right arm. For 27 hours, then we take it off. It’s for your white blood cells. I was stupid enough to forget I sleep on that side. Duhhhh.

Did I mention I have to take my temperature twice a day? And go back one week before next chemo for blood test. I think this is also the month I have to see the gyn for post surgery exam. Good planning again. double duhhh.

So water. You have to drink gallons of it to wash all the bad stuff out. Also, my bathroom is considered toxic, nobody can enter except me...toilet lid down to flush, and flush twice.

Here I am: 

How do you like my short hair? And Tracy says this photo is an Apple product ad. 

Next chemo in three weeks. They said if I felt OK I could go out to dinner....eat nothing raw. But were vague about the gym, which, at the time of day I go, nobody is there and I could wear a mask, wipe everything down etc ; who knows who’s touching the food in the kitchen? I can’t wash that! So many incongruities! Both the doctors said to do what I want.

So far, so good. 

Almost three weeks

To start with, I want to thank all my friends for their thoughts, cards and prayers. You can't know how much I appreciate it and how much it lifts me up.

This week we accomplished a lot. I’m still healing, but we’re moving ahead on the list. We looked into wigs and found a perfect one, exactly my color and style. I only need to have my hairdresser trim the bangs correctly. I also decided to have my hair cut really short (Michele Williams style) as several of my friends said it was terrifying to wake up and see chunks of your hair on the pillow. Will send pic when I do that. There’s yet another wig shop in town that carries caps, which I’ve been told I’ll need at night.
Then we leased a new car....wouldn’t you just know that my old lease would run out right now? It was Tracy’s first experience with a car dealer, and you ought to ask for her services because she was a first class negotiator. Also, my apartment lease came up for renewal, so we got that done as well.

And now to the port. It was put in Monday. It’s outpatient and it’s a device that gets implanted just below the skin, and connects to a blood vessel near the heart re two incisions. They sedated me with fentanyl...which does not agree with me, so they added two doses of anti-nausea. Altogether, not a fun day as I stopped breathing a couple times and they shook me and yelled BREATHE! (Did I mention that I also had no pulse at one point during the first surgery? Same drug. And yes, we keep telling them NOT to use it.) The procedure doesn’t take long and I was home in a couple hours. There was a little ache when I turned my head a certain way, but other than that, I was mainly exhausted. Slept off and on rest of the day. Now it just feels a little stiff, no pain. You can feel a little bump under my skin.
I really have to add this little update. Remember that bladder incontinence was my first warning sign? Well, I am sorry to tell you that it really doesn't seem to improve much. I wear a pad pretty much any time I leave the house. You wanted honesty...you got it!

Tracy went home to NYC to accomplish a little work. So fortunate for both of us that she no longer has a physical gallery and does most of her work from her home or on trips with clients. She has been a brick and will be coming back for the first chemo. The cat stayed with me. I'm OK with that.

So now I have two weeks of no needles!! Just rest and heal for the oncoming battle. Except....I had one meeting with the chemo nurse today to learn the protocols. They are amazingly strict and comprise about 30 pages of instructions. My drug plan turned down one of the three drugs for nausea, so we are reapplying. I’m keeping my fingers crossed because that one would be $800 or so out of pocket.
I’m writing this diary to describe feelings...here’s one: I don’t want to hear or even think about this for the next two weeks. Would rather pretend all is well. I didn't even want to go to this grim meeting. But I put on my big girl panties and went.

Just to celebrate, I went to the gym. First time since the first surgery and managed a mile and a half on the bike and nearly a mile on the treadmill. Not great and not up to my usual standard, but for the first day back in over a month, I’ll take it. Am not allowed to use upper body for two weeks because of port surgery.
Next update will probably be after first chemo on the 15th.

Almost Week Two

Well, the staples are out along with the JP drain. No, it didn’t hurt to have staples removed, but it pinches pretty darn hard. They put bandage type patches over staples and said they would all fall off in the shower eventually. It is a huge relief to be able to wear clothes again.

And a side effect...I lost 20 pounds. Not the best way in the world to lose, but better than not. Oddly, aside from the 4 days of starvation at the time of surgery, my appetite has been fine.

The biopsy stuff is in, I swear, they practically took everything out they could find. My daughter sent the info to the family and it sure shut them all up. No doubt scared them to death as even I didn’t like reading it. They think they got it all, but I suspect they always say that. It officially is stage 3c ovarian cancer. Not good news, but I’ll fight do what I’m supposed to do. We talked it all over with my internist and agreed with the program the oncologist has suggested.

Next I get a port. Another fun event. The first chemo will start a week after that. There will be six, 6 hours each every three weeks. The drugs are carbo platinum and taxol which are the common first ones given for ovarian cancer. We looked at the chemo room (which is actually in the doctors office) and it meets all the strictest protocols a friend suggested we look for. I will continue these updates. 

The only new thing I heard about is called a “penguin cap”.  Something filled with dry ice you wear on your head during chemo and it prevents you from losing your hair. ( I think taxol causes that) It is not only uncomfortable, but very expensive. I’m passing on that one...decided to get a really short haircut from the start and a wig. At my age, vanity is out the window. 

My daughter is treating me to a facial today. I can’t wait. She’ll be going home for a week or so and then come back for first chemo.

Day 8

My daughter thinks I should keep some sort of diary as we go along on this journey. I’m not sure because everyone is different and what I’m thinking and going through may not even apply to someone else. But, for her sake, I will try.

Today, the problems are clothes and the digestive track. I’ll no doubt look back at that sentence and laugh at how unimportant it is, but still.
I have a drain, with a bulbous end, kind of made me think of a turkey baster , only larger, which must be drained (by me...gross) quite often. And the end is safety pinned to outer clothing so it doesn’t pull on the connection into my body, which I understand extends into me 12 inches. As I said to my son, I now know how it feels to have balls as it always seems to gravitate to my crotch.
Then there are the staples...from under breasts down to crotch. During this stage, no underwear, (unless you have a closet full of thongs, which I don’t) no pants, slacks or anything can irritate the incision. Basically, I am naked under whatever I find to wear. I have a nice blue bathing suit coverup that works and yesterday my daughter went to the local boho store and got me a couple kaftans...not my style at all, but because I have to walk several times a day, I do need to be covered in something. We’ve found nothing yet I could actually wear to go out to dinner. My shifts are too narrow to accommodate the “baster”.

Problem two: everything was shifted around inside so your intestinal tract is a mess. For most, it’s constipation, but not for me. It’s been 8 days and things are still not normal, but there was a slight improvement today which I am hopeful about. My daughter has gone crazy re organic eating and she’s doing the cooking, so I’m fine with that. Last night she made a delicious Alice Waters roasted chicken with carrots and sweet potato. I’m still eating very small portions, tummy has shrunk. For once, I feel this is on the plus side.

About pain: I haven’t had any worth mentioning since the second day. The most I take is a couple Advil once in a while, which I think are a no- no, but tough.

For the past several days I have walked around the block several times a day at a decent pace. And I’m going out to a quick dinner tonight, wearing a very loose pair of slacks. Not sure how that will work out, but I guess that’s progress.

The Big C

Most of you have known me for a while. If not, let me explain: I am 81. Aside from minor arthritis things I am in perfect health and take really good care of myself. I work out 6 days a week....hard. I have always been athletic, active, involved. 

My father died at 93 of prostate cancer, which had spread to the bone because he ignored all the tests.

My mother had cervical cancer when she was 40, had surgery, nothing else,  and lived another 52 years, finally dying of heart problems.

So you can imagine my surprise when I was diagnosed with ovarian cancer. But my main reason for writing this is how it happened, because who’d have ever thought of this?

I developed slight urine incontinence. Common for women in my age bracket, easy to ignore. My sister said: “I’ve been wearing little pads for years!” But I decided to make certain I didn’t have a bladder infection, as this incontinence began rather suddenly. No infection. And here’s the second clue, which I actually said to the doctor : something is not right. ( I have only read that as a warning sign once.) Couldn’t put my finger on anything. Felt fine, eating fine, working out, all seemed well.

And so it began. My internist was really on top of things, one test after another until it was discovered. Ovarian cancer.

We all know the common warning signs: (and yes, there are others)

• Abdominal bloating or swelling
• Quickly feeling full when eating
• Weight loss
• Discomfort in the pelvis area
• Changes in bowel habits, such as constipation
• A frequent need to urinate

I had none of those.

So when incontinence happens in women over 80, it is almost always considered normal. Not so. 

So this is my gift to you: have a great internist who cares about you. Watch for any little easily ignored changes or merely an odd feeling something’s not right.

Surgery was 5 days ago. I’ll not know complete biopsy results until next week. Chemo will start in a month or so. My “normal” is no longer normal. Yes, I have hope, yes I trust my surgeon, yes, I will do as asked.

My children have been bricks. This is harder on them than on me. My daughter is staying with me through most of this. Send her waves of strength. She’s going to need it. Keep all three of them in your prayers