Almost three weeks

To start with, I want to thank all my friends for their thoughts, cards and prayers. You can't know how much I appreciate it and how much it lifts me up.

This week we accomplished a lot. I’m still healing, but we’re moving ahead on the list. We looked into wigs and found a perfect one, exactly my color and style. I only need to have my hairdresser trim the bangs correctly. I also decided to have my hair cut really short (Michele Williams style) as several of my friends said it was terrifying to wake up and see chunks of your hair on the pillow. Will send pic when I do that. There’s yet another wig shop in town that carries caps, which I’ve been told I’ll need at night.
Then we leased a new car....wouldn’t you just know that my old lease would run out right now? It was Tracy’s first experience with a car dealer, and you ought to ask for her services because she was a first class negotiator. Also, my apartment lease came up for renewal, so we got that done as well.

And now to the port. It was put in Monday. It’s outpatient and it’s a device that gets implanted just below the skin, and connects to a blood vessel near the heart re two incisions. They sedated me with fentanyl...which does not agree with me, so they added two doses of anti-nausea. Altogether, not a fun day as I stopped breathing a couple times and they shook me and yelled BREATHE! (Did I mention that I also had no pulse at one point during the first surgery? Same drug. And yes, we keep telling them NOT to use it.) The procedure doesn’t take long and I was home in a couple hours. There was a little ache when I turned my head a certain way, but other than that, I was mainly exhausted. Slept off and on rest of the day. Now it just feels a little stiff, no pain. You can feel a little bump under my skin.
I really have to add this little update. Remember that bladder incontinence was my first warning sign? Well, I am sorry to tell you that it really doesn't seem to improve much. I wear a pad pretty much any time I leave the house. You wanted honesty...you got it!

Tracy went home to NYC to accomplish a little work. So fortunate for both of us that she no longer has a physical gallery and does most of her work from her home or on trips with clients. She has been a brick and will be coming back for the first chemo. The cat stayed with me. I'm OK with that.

So now I have two weeks of no needles!! Just rest and heal for the oncoming battle. Except....I had one meeting with the chemo nurse today to learn the protocols. They are amazingly strict and comprise about 30 pages of instructions. My drug plan turned down one of the three drugs for nausea, so we are reapplying. I’m keeping my fingers crossed because that one would be $800 or so out of pocket.
I’m writing this diary to describe feelings...here’s one: I don’t want to hear or even think about this for the next two weeks. Would rather pretend all is well. I didn't even want to go to this grim meeting. But I put on my big girl panties and went.

Just to celebrate, I went to the gym. First time since the first surgery and managed a mile and a half on the bike and nearly a mile on the treadmill. Not great and not up to my usual standard, but for the first day back in over a month, I’ll take it. Am not allowed to use upper body for two weeks because of port surgery.
Next update will probably be after first chemo on the 15th.